Children of the Corn (2009)
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(10 votes)
Rating #:
2/10
Director:
Donald P. Borchers
Runtime:
80 Minutes
Cast:
Daniel Newman,
David Anders,
Kandyse McClure,
Preston Bailey I just finished watching the remake of Children of the Corn and I can honestly say that I haven't been this mad at a movie in a long long time. To think that people actually greenlit, financed, shot and overall made this movie, angers me to my core. The original Children of the Corn is a classic and something I hold very dear, as it was one of the first horror films I saw when I was a kid. The scene where the young boy gets stalked and eventually has his throat slit in the corn field is a scene that gave me nightmares for weeks. The only nightmares I can say I will get from this pointless remake is ones where I'm tied to chair and forced to watch it over and over again.
Just like in the original, the story focuses on a couple traveling across the good ol' U.S of A when they accidentally hit a young child who runs out onto the middle of the road. They discover that the kid's throat had been cut prior to being ran over and have the genius idea to take his body to the nearest town...that town being none other that the crazy kid cult infested Gatlin, Nebraska. Of course we all knows what happens next, blah blah blah yada yada yada.
So right off the bat we are introduced to a pint-sized cowboy preaching to a group of kids about how adults are the root of all evil and how they need to be killed off. Now this should be the point in the movie were it shows a montage of kids murdering all of the adults but this is a SyFy movie so what do we get, kids stabbing and killing a pig... That's right folks we aren't even treated to a scene of the kids killing off the adults, instead we get a 12 years later subtitle and are immediately introduced to the main characters.
Usually I would name the leads names and their actor counterparts but they are some of the most uninteresting and hateable characters ever committed to video that I will refer to them as Bitchy Black Chick and Worthless White Boy. I also want to add that I fell like they made the leads an interracial couple just to try to be politically correct and not make a movie with nothing but white folk in it. Anyway BBC and WWB are so excruciatingly bad that I found myself literally yelling at the screen whenever they disgraced it.
All BBC does is bitch and get on WWB and the audiences nerves and all WWB does is make cliched choices that end up getting them both in trouble. Right off the bat I couldn't connect with either of the two and was just wishing for their demise to come quickly and painfully. I just realized if I were to write out in detail everything that is bad from this movie, this review would be 7 pages long so instead I am just going to list all of the negatives.
- Isaac is no longer a creepy man child. He is an annoying kid with absolutely no screen presence.
- Malachai is also no longer creepy and is turned into a little bitch.
- None of the kids are creepy.
- There is no atmosphere.
- No tension.
- No conflict.
- No resolution
- Nothing for the audience to care about.
- The horrible shaky cam cut scenes for no reason at all.
- The random act of teen sex to try and shock the audience
- The awful Vietnam flashbacks that WWB has in the corn fields.
Spoiler: Highlight to view
BBC gets her throat cut, eyes gouged out and put up on a cross of corn. I clapped when it happened and even let out a "Hell Yeah!"
The other positive point is that the flick has the balls to kill kids and doesn't hold back from showing it. Kids get shotgunned, stabbed, shanked and beaten to death. The only problem with this is that there are about 40 plus kids in the entire town and only 5 get killed. What a waste of perfectly good children.
I could ramble on about this movie for a long time but why work myself into more of frenzy than I already have. Children of the Corn is another pointless remake that should have never been made. Now if you excuse me, He Who Walks Behind the Rows and I have a special date with the people responsible for this travesty.

A pointless remake that rapes the original films image and spits right in its face. No atmosphere, no conflict, no direction; this Children of the Corn is up there as being one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my life.
| Posted on September 26, 2009 - 10:35pm | Slayer |





To elaborate on what i stated earlier, this version of the film is alot closer to the original version of the book, minus alot of the little things that made the book more interesting. In the book, the couple where written to appear to be very annoying and going through some marriage problems. Also the woman whined alot about how they should leave and would often do and say things to piss her husband off, which lead to him constantly ingoring her when she cried for his attention. Plus in the book they go alittle more into his experience in Vietnam which is why they show the flashbacks with the Vietcong.
And they left out alot of the inner conflicts between Malikai and Isaac, and how Isaac was trying to replace Malikai with someone he could have more influence over. Actually I thnk they briefly touched on it in the film but in the book there was alot more too it. Im not trying to defend the film because it is pretty bad but in terms of acuracy in the events, they were pretty close.
all in all, this film is in a rare occassion, is a close translation of the book, but really poor acting, and the fact that if you saw the previous films, theres no surprise at the end, kills this film. I remember when the first Children of the corn came out, alot of people complained how it was nothing like the book. which is funny cause even though this is closer to the book, you really cant find any reason to enjoy this film which is sad cause the book is still really good.
Have the original on VHS(yeah old school fuckers lol). I have to say I rather watch the paint dry on the walls then watch this piece of shit again. I haven't read the short story of Children of the Corn(which I do have). But something tells me that there is more to the book then this. This COTC flat out sucks(watching children die is fun though..especially that BBC..(SPOILER)I was just waiting for her to die). The production value was the only thing good about this movie. Other than that it could have been more elaborate or BETTER. It doesn't even come up to par with time (1 hour and 26 mins) and what's dumb is there is like 4 mins footage after the credits..it's confusing as to why they couldn't just have put that before the credits and come up to par. The whole thing is dumb, and I really could have done without that stupid sex part at the end(waste of time). If you are going to have a sex scene..make it better and longer. This disgraced the original big time.
It's a SciFi(I'm NOT going to use its new spelling,) so I really didn't expect much. But it sucked bad nonetheless.
as bad as this movie was, the sad thing is that is more acurate to the book than the first film. The events in this film play out about the same but the book ultimately had a creepier feel to it.
My favorite part of this entire movie is when they finally killed off the Vicki character. I can't remember when I was so annoyed by a performance. This movie was just plain horrible. I mean, Vietnam flashbacks in the corn fields? And the shots in the cornfield were looped over and over. I was pretty shocked with the sex scene and the outright killing of some of the kids but all in all, it sucked. Hopefully the Weinstein's can do much better, though this movie set the bar at zero.
I have to say being a huge fan of the original, this was total crap. This was so bad I did not think I was going to get through it. Syfy should not be aloud to make movies if this is what we can expect in the future.
Terrible and pointless indeed... Similar to this review
The new "SyFy" logo fucking irks me to the core
I guess SciFi is too complicated and confusing for this ignorant uneducated generation.
Damn, datz cold Reaper
Worst movie ever, so bad I couldnt look away. What a disgrace to horror movies and Stephen King...ugh...
and why did they change their name to SyFy? dumb...I want the old SciFi back...
Okay, so it’s my own damn fault. I could have changed the channel whenever I wanted, but no. I had to sit through the whole thing, hoping that Children of the Corn would unexpectedly turn into a TV movie of badassery. I should have known from the moment I saw the commercial say “A SyFy (anyone else really HATE that brand name??!) Channel original movie” that I would be in for an epidemic of bitchassness.
Director Donald Borchers should really stay away from helming another feature. I know a problem movie the moment I see it and it’s evident from the scenes that the only reason the footage is watchable is due to A LOT of clever, post production editing. Totally agree about Issac. There was nothing menacing or controling about him. Burt should have just walked up and sent his fist through his teeth...DONE! I wouldn't say its the worst Children of the Corn movie...that title is owned by Revelations, but it's pretty effing weak.
Kandyse was wasted. She's a pretty lady, in a extremely crappy film. This couple was idiotic and deserved to die. I never saw two such annoying whiners, in a movie before.
This vietnam vet starts taking these kids out and then runs ? He coulda kicked these kids' asses. I was really hoping for a final showdown, but was very disappointed.
I thought the woman was still alive and the man would try to rescue her. Then, maybe the kids would surround him and there would be a fatal fight scene.
Instead, we get this crap. The woman is already dead and the guy just gives up and dies ? WTF is that ? lol
This is a far cry from the original , with R.G. Armstrong as the foul mouthed garage owner and Linda Hamilton as the damsel, while Horton kicks the kids' asses and rescues Linda.