If any of you have ever seen an episode of MTV’s My Super Sweet 16, then I’m sure you’ve thought to yourself more than once, “Wow, will somebody please kill this fucking spoiled bitch before I chuck the remote into the TV.”  You’re apparently not alone, because MTV celebrated this Halloween season with a new fictional feature based on their popular reality show. 

This isn’t the first time the station has tried striking gold with a movie based on the show.  Two years ago saw the more teen friendly, comedy version that didn’t know if it wanted to be Mean Girls or an episode of 7th Heaven.  Needless to say my expectations were in check for a God awful, made for TV piece of slasher shit.  Then OMFG this movie totally didn’t suck!

Maddison Penrose is preparing for her epic sweet sixteen bash and plans to throw it at the long time shut down Roller Dome.  As we learn in the opening flashback, the owner was killing off teens that ridiculed his child friendly birthday events until he was caught and ratted out by his young daughter Sky.  Ten years later, Sky is the school’s weirdo outcast with the goober best friend who longs to date Maddison’s ex, the dreamy Brigg (what the eff kind of name is that anyway?).  But when Sky crashes Madison’s party to be with Brigg, the attention is quickly taken away from the battle of the high school bitches to standard slasher fare complete with a masked killer and a pile of dead teenagers.

As an MTV original TV movie, I completely expected them to puss out when it came to the red stuff.  Well color me impressed with blood red because the deaths (in the uncut version, mind you) were surprisingly graphic…by TV movie standards that is.  Everything from the opening impaled head by sword to the soon to be infamous headless birthday cake crash.  Every character met their maker in a different, brutal way.  And trust me, you want nothing less for these reprehensible shit head teens.

The young cast served their purposes and then some.  Lauren McKnight as Sky was a likeable loser, and Julianna Guill (aka the girl with stupendous tits from the new Friday the 13th) does a great job at channeling her inner Heather Chandler as Madison, creating a character that you’re bound to love to hate.  The snarky dialogue only enhances the fun amongst these characters.  Lines like “What the WTF is she doing at my sweet 16”????  Brilliant, I tell you.  BRILLIANT!  (NOTE: Your definition of brilliant may greatly differ than that of my own.) 

But on a serious note, while the previous Sweet 16 movie walked the line of taking itself too seriously, screenwriters Jed Elinoff and Scott Alan Thomas definitely hit the mark when it came to making fun of everything that’s ridiculous about the reality show.  Director Jacob Gentry of The Signal really shows a great visual style.  While the editing is fast and slick as you would expect from this network, the look of the film has an emphasis more on a gritty feel than a polished one.  With a subdued color palate and intricate camera work, I’m really looking forward to see what he’s going to do next in our beloved genre. 

And now that I’m done sucking some super sweet 16 dick, it’s time to rape it in the ass.  There are some HUGE pacing issues within the first act of the flick.  A large gap of over a half hour between kills really drags things along.  While I didn’t find the copious amount of talking as tedious as I originally thought, that’s not what I wanted out of a cheesy slasher film.  I want my dead teenagers and I want them now.  I know we’re supposed to have a suspension of disbelief, but honestly, why the fuck would Sky return to the place where her father murdered numerous kids?  Did she want some dick that bad?

The biggest fault that My Super Psycho Sweet 16 suffers from is that it’s just too typical.  It follows the standard slasher formula far too closely and does little to surprise us.  For everything fun and original about this movie there’s an equal amount of trite and cliché.  The entertainingly mean spirited ending is almost ruined by an attempt for one last scare.  Do yourself a favor and shut the film off two minutes before the credits role because the last seen is a cheap cop out and completely unnecessary.

Perhaps it was due to my extremely low expectations, but MTV’s My Super Psycho Sweet Sixteen turned out to be a surprisingly entertaining slasher with decent deaths and a strong visual style.  Sticking too close to the basic formula and a bullshit final scare hurt the movie overall, but I’d recommend an (uncut) viewing of this harmless little flick.