Realm of Shadows is a collection of mini-tales that merges for a given purpose…to locate a mystical sword for power and control. Realm of Shadows is also the reason that I plan on taking a break from horror anthologies. Where and what is the commonality? I couldn’t get there and gave up trying to understand by the 3rd story.  

Calling this a horror film is a very loose description as the only relatable theme would be the gathering of a witch’s coven, made up of sassy and overly reactive girl-power attitudes. They come together in the most discombobulated way, which immediately confuses and annoys you from the get-go. The introduction is so strange and disengaging that I almost turned this off completely. However, with the promise of Tony Todd, I decided to keep going.  

Bombarded with clichés and predictable responses, I held on for the first of several stories which opened up to the most promising saga of an underdog (Drain) winning the girl through the magic touch of a mysterious bartender. What began as a potential page torn right out of Tales From the Crypt’s “Loved to Death” fell short with a sudden ending that never amounted to any substance for the audience to venture forward. Falling flat is an understatement.  

The second story is “Hike” which in a nutshell is, umm…a hike. A hike to watch and a hike to get through it. Completely void of dialogue with aggravating synthesizers poisoning the atmosphere, we watch a man (Drain, once again) have an alleged fallout with his girlfriend, so he takes a hike. Through the hills, on a dirt trail that ends…nowhere. The hike goes on and on and on until you want to either toss him off a ledge or jump off yourself.  

Five more exasperating minis follow (some with complete, most featuring Drain) that will drive you bat-shit crazy, waiting for the finale. Once again, the main character from Drain is the same typecast: always harried, always sweaty and always uncomfortable. Perhaps the focus should have stayed on the writing, but I don’t see much assistance in guiding us through this maze of movie getting any better by wasting additional casting money. So I’ll press on…  

Realm of Shadows features Tony Todd which was a blessing once I reached the final tumultuous tale, “Fate Upside Down.”  Todd portrays a priest who is also after this supernatural dagger and finds himself the holder after retrieving it from a masked-devil man in a forest. Once in hand, expecting an all-out apocalyptic war to erupt is more far-fetched than the boredom I just sat through to get to this point. With a Ouija board in tow, there’s a brief moment of a would-be cliffhanger as the sisterhood of witches combat their newfound power. However expecting that touch of a thrill will steer you wrong, so don’t believe the hype. These Goth girls are underdeveloped, unimpressive and uninteresting.

I wish I could unwatch this.