Where to begin. I could begin from the beginning since there’s no substantial ending, but the beginning of Skate to Hell is just as disjointed as the journey to hell in this hellish movie.  

Skate to Hell opens with a group of hillbilly outback locals discussing…something. There’s an old lady in a tutu, and (I think) friends/family talking about her state of mind outside of a gas station? It's hard to follow and made me stop to verify I was watching the right movie. A few minutes into this ball of confusion, a camera crew and staff appear, revealing that we are witnessing a movie within a movie.  

Ok. Got it. But…why?  

Kurt is a skater kid who is excitable and energetic. He grants us the ONLY scene in the film with some wicked skateboarding tricks that last less than a minute. Disappointing as I had hoped with a title like Skate to Hell, we’d get some Tony Hawk style stunts to “oooh” and “ahhh” at, but no. Kurt quickly encounters Howard, a grown man riding on a slick black board with a very distinctive décor: the devil’s face in 3-D. Completely mesmerized, Kurt follows him into an alley where Howard greets two homeless people with armpit farts and laughter. Unfortunately for them, a sadistic spell has been cast upon them which melts their bodies into goo, oozing with blood and diarrhea. What else is Howard supposed to do, then grab a straw, right?  

Silently gagging and freaking out, Kurt grabs the devil board and takes off like a…bat out of hell? Within seconds, he opens a portal to the abyss where he is faced with several troublesome stalls of nastiness and more toilet humor.  

The audience (yes, us) is thrusted between both worlds without warning. Nor are there any defining features that identify if we are still in hell or back on earth? After 15 minutes into Skate to Hell, the countless number of new characters surges from the simplistic to the overwhelmingly complicated and unnecessary. Kurt meets up with friends Ruby and Chase. We are then introduced to boutique owners, Kat and Buck. Not to mention demons such as Virgil, Dagon, Dev and the Devil himself. And let’s not forget the cast of the film within this film! I may have mistaken the names with the roles but at the end of the day, does it really matter?  

In addition, Howard is taken into a shelter managed by none other than Todd Bridges. Eric Roberts apparently resides there as a drunk piece of furniture who occasionally has something off putting to add to the conversations. Jenna Jameson is a nun (yeah, the irony), and Scott Schwartz is a one line extra who was clearly underused, similarly to James Duval (Buck, the co-store owner) whose talent was thoroughly overlooked.  

While I’m still trying to figure out the various tangents thrown into this convoluted chaos, I wish to God (or the devil) that the storyline was straightforward. How incredible would it be to see a cleverly written script paced with riotous zingers about a skateboard that takes you to a fiery inferno lair to conquer your own personal hell? And that’s it. No subplot derailments. No meandering detours. Sort of like, a quirky “Flatliners” with sophisticated humor.  

The “Jackass”-style juvenility saturates the entire movie to a suffocating level of annoyance. It’s gross, it’s uncomfortable and it’s just not funny. A factory of foul taste drowned in puke and incessant fart jokes. A stoner movie for 420 fans. Perhaps I’m getting too old for this generation’s jokes or maybe…I just don’t get it?