Yoga Hosers is said to be the second installment in the "True North Trilogy," with the first being 2014's Tusk, where Michael Parks played a crazy guy that turned an unsuspecting podcaster (Justin Long) into a walrus (no joke). There's a scene in Tusk where the lead briefly encounters a couple young girls at a convenience store (Johnny Depp's daughter, Lily-Rose Depp and Kevin Smith's daughter, Harley Quinn Smith) and now they have their own movie! Because clearly viewers were clamoring for a full movie featuring these two annoying teenage characters, right? No?? Well we got one anyway!

So the "story" focuses on two teenage best friends both coincidentally named Colleen and their daily lives, in and out of school. When their noses aren't buried in their phones, they're at the Yoga studio with their instructor "Yogi Bayer" (*sighs*). And they'll occasionally put their phones down to service a customer at the local Eh-2-Zed convenience store. It's on one of these work nights that the girls decide to invite a couple boys for a little party at the store, but the prospect of premarital sex and underage drinking gets rudely interrupted when tiny one-foot Nazi creatures called "Bratzis" (masterfully played by Kevin Smith) appear and wreck havoc at the store.



At this point in his career it seems like Kevin Smith is simply making movies for his friends and family, because these flicks are clearly not meant for the public, yet we still somehow get them anyway. As much as I disliked Tusk, it's still an improvement over this flick, which seems to exist just so Depp and Smith can bolster their kid's careers into singing and acting, both of which they're terrible at, but nepotism always finds a way. Within the first 15 minutes alone, the girls have two lengthy scenes where they're singing to the camera, as if this movie was also doubling as their music video premiere.

If you can somehow stomach all the singing and annoying characters, you might find yourself half way through the movie, which is when the Bratzis finally appear. This leads to all sorts of zaniness and childish antics and is also when the pic finally gets to the point, but honestly by then does it even matter? Because it seemed like they put forth so much effort into wasting our time anyway, so why should we even care? By then I sure didn't. Obviously the flick isn't meant to be taken seriously, but it's taxing to sit through something that tries too hard to be funny and has zero likable characters. You couple that with the fact that the first half is essentially just a documentary about the life of two spoiled teenage girls and it just becomes a real chore to get through.



Aside from the lead girls returning, Justin Long also returns, but as a different character than the walrus he was left as in Tusk. In this movie he's the Yoga instructor and serves no purpose aside from ad-libbing and making up dumb Yoga poses. Johnny Depp is also back as the silly "legendary man-hunter Guy LaPointe," who assists the girls in ridding the town of the pesky Bratzis (or tries to anyway). Genesis Rodriguez and Haley Joel Osment also come back as different characters, but their cameos are so forgettable that I literally don't even remember who they were in the movie. Oh well.

Ultimately, while this is a bad movie, it has some decent production values and I'll give it points for the Jason Mewes cameo and the monster at the end.

On top of Kevin Smith blatantly trying to bolter his daughter's singing and acting career, Yoga Hosers is essentially just a movie made with his friends and family and for his friends and family. The story is nonsensical, the jokes fall flat, the characters are annoying, and it simply offers very little redeeming value in general. If you loved Tusk then you may like this to some extent, but if you didn't like it then I'd steer clear, because this is far from an improvement.