Teddy Told Me To (2022)

REVIEWER RATING: 
8/10

If you’re in the mood for a derivative of The Funhouse with elevated humor and next to no emotional investment, Teddy Told Me To would be the right choice!  

The Park (2023)

REVIEWER RATING: 
5/10

The Park is an ambitious little indie movie from first time director Shal Ngo, who until now has done only short films. I’m unfamiliar with his work but am a fan of survival/post-apoc-type movies, so I went in hoping for a decent effort from the subgenre.

Children of the Corn (2020)

REVIEWER RATING: 
4/10

Whether we want it or not, every some years comes another addition to the never-ending Children of the Corn franchise. Since the last movie came out in 2018 it was only a matter of time, but in this case instead of a pointless sequel we got a pointless remake.

Cocaine Bear (2023)

REVIEWER RATING: 
8/10

In September 1985, convicted drug smuggler Andrew Thorton plunged to his death in Tennessee when his chute failed to land him safely. The cause of the parachute malfunction was due to the $15M worth of cocaine bricks strapped to his body. Yeah, that would do it.

La Petite Mort (2009)

REVIEWER RATING: 
6/10

Inspired, based on or related to “a true story” as the opening history sequence plays out, is basically irrelevant. La Petite Mort (2009) is a simple torture-porn flick with stolen goods from Hostel. That’s not to say it’s unentertaining and completely horrifying in nature.

Holes in the Sky: The Sean Miller Story (2021)

REVIEWER RATING: 
9/10

Paranormal Activity gave me chills.
The Blair Witch Project left me uneasy.
Combine the best of both, and you have the compelling, frightening found footage film, Holes in the Sky: The Sean Miller Story.  

Bermuda Island (2023)

REVIEWER RATING: 
9/10

Good things come to those who wait, and yeah…this was well worth the wait! Bermuda Island begins with a typical shoot out with the FBI arresting criminal gang leader Diego Montalban (Gugliemi) and decide to transport this human trash via first class to Puerto Rico on a commercial jet.

The Mean One (2022)

REVIEWER RATING: 
5/10

The horror genre is going through a weird phase right now where filmmakers are taking established children’s properties and turning them into horror films.

Barbarian (2022)

REVIEWER RATING: 
6/10

Here comes a VERY unpopular opinion about this hyped-up film.
Barbarian is just…meh.

Before anyone sends me death threats or condescending remarks, let me explain myself as I often do in my reviews.

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